Thufferin Thuccatash!

Mourning

I wonder

When we go to a funeral

Of a person who was horrid to us.

And we struggle to speak or think kind things of her.

And are riddled with grief.

Are we mourning the person that she was,

Or mourning the relationship that we wanted it to be?

And the realization that we will never be able to resolve it.

Birthdays 2013

My girls both have birthdays in February.  The Littlest Girl's is first.

They get to choose their breakfast.  And sometimes their dinner.  She opted for cinnamon rolls and scrambled eggs.  (It was a school day, so they weren't homemade.)

She couldn't make up her mind if she wanted a unicorn cake or something from Brave.  So I found a horse cake pattern and bought a little Merida doll for a smaller cake.  (I was so lit on coffee and frosting I was quoting Brave lines at the top of my lungs for most of the day.)

My Littlest Girl is always grateful.  At least for a second.  

This was her favorite gift.  A My Little Pony castle.

Her expression was THE.BEST.

Something something horror movie.

Actually, this was Daddy after he had put the castle together and affixed all the stickers.

He needed some alone time.

A couple of weeks later, it was the Indian Princess' turn.

She opted for Monkey Bread.  And scrambled eggs.

Understanding the value of a gift card.

Trying on their animal hats together.

Afterwards, we had cheesecake.  Her favorite.

This has been the most used gift so far.  

They jump, hide toys, and watch TV on it.

I never knew there was so many uses for a mini-trampoline.

(Forgive the wandering table.  It's an Apples of Gold thing.)

My heart gets bigger every year for them.  As my hair gets grayer.

I am blessed.

Potential-- A Poem

I got a pair of jeans
In the mail
That are way too long.

And somewhere,
In the recesses of my mind,
I still think
That if I wait awhile,
I'll grow into them.

Hi!

Well, hello there!

I'm sorry I haven't been here for awhile.  I really thought when the kiddos were in school I would have all this free time to do stuff like write, work out, cook, clean.  But I don't.  Well I do, but I apparently choose not to do these things.

Instead, I found a couple of jobs, a volunteer opportunity, and started a bible study.

In the meantime, my mother in law is moving out of town (sad), and I have two birthdays to plan for my little ones.  Most of you know they are 11.5 months apart, so February is a big month.  Along with Valentine's Day, various other birthdays, tax prep, and sometimes a nap, I am staying busy.

So, since I don't have anything creative to say, 

I'll just leave a picture of my cuties.  

Rock Star

The Indian Princess had been asking for a bedroom remodel.  Not that she didn't like Winnie the Pooh.  She just needed something that reflected her personality a little more.  She chose Rock Star.  Which is funny if you know her.  But she has been infatuated with the idea for more than three years now.  She has a Hannah Montana t-shirt and bed sheets, even though she's never seen a.single.episode.

Because we love her, and because it seemed reasonable, we gave her the remodel as a Christmas gift.  It was the kind of gift that I love to give.  One that has been mentioned, one that would be meaningful, and one that wasn't expected.

But there is, of course, a story.

This remodel was hard for me.  Not in a, "This is going to be a lot of work" way, or "I don't like what she wants to do" way.

But a "This is an end of an era" way.

You see, the border that is in her room was bought five years before she was born.

It was bought after we had made peace with our infertility, but hadn't adopted yet.  It was bought with the optimism that comes with Doing Something.  Anything.  To attain our goal of children. It was bought while we were in the middle of the foster-to-adopt process that never happened.  And because it didn't happen, we carried the border around for four more years before we put it up.  We moved three times, took three different jobs, and settled down 1300 miles away before we put it up.  I got rid of the newborn sized onesies  and diapers.  But I never got rid of the border.

When we moved here, the house needed redoing.  Although it looked nice, it wasn't our style.  I finished the kitchen, the living room, and one of the other bedrooms before I tackled this one.

In the meantime, we started the adoption process again.  This time, we went with an agency.  A really good one.  And in the midst of the process, I redecorated the room.  My thoughts were, "I have to repaint this room.  If I don't put the border up, I'll have to do it sometime later, so I might as well put it up now."

So I painted.  

(And NO.  This isn't a Bronco's themed room.)

And I put our beloved border up.  

Because there was something inside me that told me the time had come.

And in a few months, we were blessed with our Indian Princess.  

So we added some furniture.

In a year, we moved Indian Princess out and gently laid our Littlest Girl in the nursery.  And since then, they have flip-flopped bedrooms, shared rooms, and threatened to move into the basement.

But this room has always been the Indian Princess' room.

And so, at the ripe old age of 6-and-a-half, the Indian Princess picked out most of the stuff for her new room, and the remodel began.

Before

The night before I would start tearing down 11 years of history, I let her take a swipe at it.  She was quite pleased at the thought of destroying her room.

Usually I condemn that behavior.

The next day, while the kids were at school, I started ripping off the border. So that I could clean the walls and repaint.  I could have used the steamer and got the job done in a few minutes.   But I didn't want to swiftly wipe it away with the convenient vapors the steamer could provide. Somehow, slowly wetting, peeling, and scraping the walls seemed more appropriate.  It had taken five years to get that border on.   I needed to meditate on all that had happened in the past 11 years.  And it was overwhelming.

Once the border was gone, it was much easier to go about the business of redecorating.  And after painting one wall hot pink, and one wall boho teal, I am praying that she will be content with this room for a long time.  I really don't mind the shopping, and the painting, and the moving of furniture.   I'm just not sure my heart is ready for another reminder of how fast she is growing up.

Nope

It's not a meteor shower.

It's just another winter day here in SoDak.

The girls rode their bikes on Monday.  

Because it was a toasty 30 degrees.

It changed a little last night.

But the bikes don't seem to mind.

That's just how we roll around here.